My question of the Day

Why do people assume I'm miserable?

I'd like to explain some things to you first:
1. I am not ashamed of myself and I do not feel that I am less worthy of an person because I'm fat. I used to, but not anymore.
2. Skinny people are miserable, just as often as fat people.
3. Being heavy is not all that I'm about...it's just a small part of who I am.

So far, I've only shown this web site to a few close friends of mine, and I'll tell you why. I refuse to be defined any longer as their "fat friend Amber". When I did tell a couple of people that I am very close to about my site they were extremely surprised. They responded with tears and thanks for helping them feel better about themselves... one friend actually said "I feel so much better about myself...You're beautiful Amber, and so am I." The reason for their surprise was that they generally see me as a fun loving, confident person, who has "supposedly" overcome my body image issues. They're generally shocked that I've felt the things that I have, that I've had to overcome so much prejudice and arrogance. They can't believe how much sadness and pain I've had, because I don't behave like the typical miserable and depressed fat woman from a diet commercial.

Ah, those diet commercials. Have you noticed that they often show an old Polaroid photo with a frowning fat person with bad hair and horrific makeup crying "I was fat and miserable," or some other demeaning statement. But oh joy! Oh Rapture! "All I had to do was starve myself and make myself even more miserable and now I'm skinny and everybody loves me and my world is made of cotton candy and $100 dollar bills fall from the sky and I have sex every 10 minutes and don't you wish you were like me now?" BLAH! Let me set the record straight, although I wouldn't ever say this while I was in high school, I am fat and quite happy. Any depression I suffer really had little to do with my weight. I have no desire to starve myself and I don't wear ugly muumuus to cover up my body. My body only affects my sense of self worth when I let it. No one makes me a victim but myself.

If I choose to lose weight it will be for health reasons, not because some diet commercial insists that I must be miserable if I'm so fat. I'm still the same person, no matter what size I am....I've learned that unless you change your attitude, you size doesn't make a bit of difference. There are people willing to use me for sex at my size, just like the boys in high school were after the skinny girls just for their bodies....That kind of shit really isn't exclusive to the thin half of the world.
What am I getting at? I know I'm rambling...but I do have a point here. When you place all kinds of emphasis on losing weight and when you attribute your good feelings on how many pounds you lose, you're setting yourself up for misery. And being miserable is something you do to yourself. Don't listen to diet commercials! They're not really concerned with your happiness, they're only concerned with how much money you're willing to dish out. If you want to feel more beautiful, smile more! When it comes down to what REALLY matters, true beauty is what you've got between your ears.

©  1999, Amber Hartman